I am a big fan of the song “Call Your Girlfriend” by Robyn. Robyn, as a whole, has great break-up music. I’ve listened to her consistently whether I am in a relationship or going through a break-up. The song itself is written from a perspective that is often neglected: the “Other Person.” Far too often popular media portrays these people – especially women – as the ones to demonize and hate. Suggesting that somehow, they are responsible for the unfaithful partner. They are not.
Cheating is a reflection of the cheater. In “Call Your Girlfriend”, Robyn tells the unfaithful partner to call their significant other to have the ‘talk’. Robyn encourages the partner to do the right thing and let their significant other go. I love screaming this song at the top of my lungs. In fact, I loved it before I had been cheated on, and before I became the ‘Robyn’.
Call your girlfriend It's time you had the talk Give your reasons Say it's not her fault But you just met somebody new
While I was in my last relationship, my partner at the time (Hunter) went to Pennsylvania in an attempt to ground himself while facing some internal disconnect. One morning as I drove to work, Hunter called me, obviously distraught. He then admitted that he had been sexting someone else. In that moment, still driving to my 9-to-5, I could not process that I had just been cheated on.
While it may not have been physical, it violated my boundaries. A break in trust was one of my non-negotiables. I tried to break up with Hunter that day, but he did not let me. Hunter wanted to stay together and work on our relationship. At the time, I let him stay.
I think most of us can identify cheating as a bad thing, that’s a common point of view. But, I do not think we spend enough time addressing the fact of how much it violates your ability to trust. After I was cheated on, I subconsciously stopped trusting and believing in people. After all these months, I still find it incredibly hard to trust anyone in my life – even people I know have been there for me, consistently, for many years.
A few months after Hunter had exited my life, I was flirting with a friend, Noah. It was lighthearted and a bit risqué. Simply curious, I asked how long it had been since him and he boyfriend had broken up. Noah dropped this unexpected bomb:
“We have not yet”
I felt sick to my stomach with disgust and anger – but not with myself. I knew I did not shoulder any blame. I told Noah he needed to break up with his boyfriend and cut this behavior out for the good of himself, and his partner. Not being what he wanted to hear, he blocked me.
I have spent a lot of time processing my experiences on both sides of this story. This time has given me a new perspective on what it means to be cheated on and being the “Other Person”. When you cheat, You cause more harm than you can make up for. If you ever find yourself being unfaithful in a relationship – think of your partner, come clean, and let them go. As for the people who are like Robyn and me, you need to know people who cheat on their significant others do not make good partners. If they’ve done it before, they very well could do it again. The ability to betray someone’s trust without admission or apology really shows someone’s true colors.
This is a ‘remake’ of an old playlist of mine by the same name, give it a listen!